Five Sentence Fiction: Shiver

The word is: Shiver
‘Her heart hammered and she was sure it could be heard thumping against the wall of her breast. She pushed backwards, her cold, clammy hands stretched flat against the damp brick. Fingernails dug deep into the mortar, splintering as she strained her ears to hear…nothing, and she wanted to breathe, but couldn’t. A putrid stench permeated the alley and the foul odour assaulted her nose despite her breath still caught in her constricted throat. Hot sweat dripped from her cold, shivering body as she began to slip into unconsciousness, his hands still clasped around her throat…’

And a new twist…my son is struggling with English at school, he’s always found creative writing difficult, and with GCSE’s on the horizon, we thought this exercise would be great practise for sentence structure and creative writing…so here’s Dan’s try (influenced by Michael Morpurgo’s ‘War Horse’) he really enjoyed having a go:
‘The lieutenant could see his horse shivering with nerves because he had to go to war the next day, so he practised and practised with his lieutenant, eventually night fall came. 
Today was the day that the horse had to go to war, and the horse ran and ran down to the enemy trenches trampling over dead bodies then an enemy sniper’s bullet skimmed his lieutenant’s leg, so he ran for help. On the way back an enemy jumped onto his best friend, another horse, after he shot his rider and as he kicked him flying off, the enemy shot him dead. The horse was concentrating on his best friend that died and his lieutenant got shot in the head, and the horse ran back as fast as lightning. When he got back the nurse looked at him and could feel the horse’s breath on her arm as she looks at his legs covered with scars.’

2 thoughts on “Five Sentence Fiction: Shiver

  1. Jo-Anne (jtvancouver)

    Dan – your story is wonderful! Really well done – I wanted to know what happened!Lisa – your story is also great!So glad you joined in the 5 sentence fiction fun. I find it a really helpful writing challenge :))

  2. spring days, new growth

    Dan, what a dramatic story – very well described! I particularly like the change of pace at the end where the nurse could feel the horse's breath on her arm. Good job!!Oh, and good job too, Lisa – scary threatening piece, well described placeKate


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