Five Sentence Fiction: Flawed

Photograph by Lisa Shambrook (Please do not use without permission)
We have an interesting relationship, my mum and I, it’s always been us against the world and Dad drifts by like a sailboat out there on the rough seas of the wide, wide ocean.
So it’s always been Mum and me, she so immaculately turned out and me a scruff-bag tomboy slouching at her side.
She’s perfect, my mum, in high-heeled boots as well-heeled as she, and long, flowing skirts wrapping around her bohemian ways, and long-sleeved tops that are always rustic like a warm autumn day.
She’s the best ever, the bee’s knees they say, and even though I know she cries, it’s fine because I’m there and she doesn’t need anyone else…I’ll see her through.
I watch her smile with my eyes and kiss the crooked lines beside hers; I run my hands through her silken hair and trace those thin spider’s webs decorating her arms with my fingers, we’re perfect you see, my mum and me.
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24 thoughts on “Five Sentence Fiction: Flawed

  1. Sarah

    Very lyrical and childlike. Favourite line today "Dad drifts by like a sailboat out there on the rough seas of the wide, wide ocean." what a wonderful way of putting it whether he is physically absent or just always busy and on the periphery.

    Reply
  2. Lisa Shambrook

    I love the way you've interpreted this Andrew…and reading it back, it works exactly as you've said! I've achieved ambiguity (hopefully in a good way!). Will be interested to see how others see this one…

    Reply
  3. Jo-Anne Teal (jtvancouver)

    Lisa, I felt an underlying current of ominous proportion…have I been reading too many dark stories of late? They seem a too attached, too close, too…?I also like that the story could be different to different readers. Well done as always! :))

    Reply
  4. Britton Minor

    I am captured by the little girl who loves her Mum so much that she sees no flaws, despite the insecurities of the woman herself. But there is a foreboding energy, as if the girl must eventually embrace her own needs when she inevitably has to let her Mum go…

    Reply
  5. Lisa Shambrook

    It does doesn't it? The child is very possessive and her speech is all over the place in tense! It's going to be a tough relationship…the rest of the story in a slightly different form will be my NaNoWriMo novel…looking forward to writing!

    Reply
  6. Sarah

    It's really interesting reading the comments and seeing the different takes people had on this – it made me go back and read it several times, looking at it from different perspectives – great piece of writing!

    Reply

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