Category Archives: My Family

A Year with Lexi – Chaos and Love

A dog wags its tail with its heart – Martin Buxbaum

Easter weekend 2022 rolled around on the calendar
and we jumped head first into a choice
that brought both chaos and love into our lives.

Six months earlier we’d lost Kira, our beautiful, fluffy, long-haired, rescue German Shepherd, and now Vince was looking at adverts for another dog. He found two that weekend; one was away for the week, and the other had reduced the price of their pup due to her being the last of the litter to go. Vince asked if we could go and see her, and I replied, “If we go to see her, you know we’ll be bringing her home.”

And so it was that when we pulled up to a farmhouse, the owner stood with a four-month-old puppy by its mother’s side.

The pup sat upright grinning at us with floppy ears, lolling tongue, and confidence oozing from every pore! “She looks like a Lexi!” I said, before we’d even got out of the car.

Lexi, 16 weeks – ready to cause chaos © Lisa Shambrook

And that was that, we became puppy owners again, and we could barely remember Roxy’s puppyhood fourteen years before! We threw ourselves right back into the deep end…

Lexi 4, 6, 9, and 12 months old © Lisa Shambrook

Lexi had only ever lived outside with her mum and siblings, and had spent the best part of a month on her own with mum after her litter mates had been sold. She had bags of confidence and energy outside, climbing all over us with bouncy fun, but was pretty anxious indoors. We didn’t have space to crate train a dog that would grow so fast, so planned to let her sleep in one of Kira’s old warm beds in the dining room with a non-carpeted floor. That first night I stayed up with her most of the night as she cried once left alone, then she settled and I went to bed. In the morning we discovered she could open doors already and was in the lounge when we got up. We needed to go back to basics, puppy proofing everything!

Lexi 4, 6, and 8 months – Little Wolf © Lisa Shambrook

Within days she was ruling the roost at only sixteen weeks old…

She was fully toilet trained within the first week, promptly and indignantly ripping up puppy pads if we dared put them down after that! She was a blank page, but one with a biting, chewing, and stealing habit. Everything was fair game. What she could reach was obviously hers. Blankets, jumpers, cardboard boxes, remote controls, mats, cushions, her bed… she was a mini demolition monster! We spent the first month chasing her around, prising things out of her jaws, trying to distract her, while she found everything that we’d missed during puppy proofing!

She loved walks, but carried her tornado of energy with her. She took the local museum grounds, Ferryside beach, Brechfa Forest, and bluebell-carpeted Green Castle Woods in her stride.

Lexi 16, 18, and 23 weeks – Green Castle Woods, Brechfa, Ferryside © Lisa Shambrook

A month later we started puppy classes. A small class with Lexi, who was already a large 44lbs (19.5kg) compared to the other puppies that were less than a quarter of her size: a teeny-tiny black spaniel pup, small border collie, two cockapoos, and a tiny golden Labrador. We were slightly terrified of Lexi playing loose with the puppies, part of play during training, I think we all thought she’d hurt them by mistake because she was so big, but she was so gentle and careful with them! The most important thing to work on was creating a strong bond with Lexi, getting her to check in with us as much as we could. She was so alert and keen on exploring it was difficult to keep her attention, made even harder because she wasn’t food or treat oriented. I took her on lots of short walks up and down our cul-de-sac, concentrating on keeping her attention and trying to tempt her by dropping small pieces of cheese in front of her, to keep her walking right by my side.

Lexi 5, 6, and 9 months tennis balls and toys © Lisa Shambrook

Then she started teething and losing her shark teeth… and we’re not joking, puppy teeth are like needles! We got stuck in with training, all the basics, sit, lay down, come, stay, and recall. She learned to go to bed in the dining room. She discovered she loved dumping her water bowl upside down, but even with a heavy bowl she still managed to regularly tip it up! She loved playing piggy-in-the-middle with her tennis ball! I constantly repaired her soft toys and beds as she attempted to destroy them. We searched for the holy grail of indestructible toys. We laughed at her mad zoomies, tried to distract her from things she shouldn’t have, and put up with constant puppy love bites!

We made sure to introduce Lexi to our postman when we first got her, and he became one of her favourite people! He always brought a dog treat with him when he had to knock on the door. Lexi would wait at the window when she expected him!

Lexi 5, and 13 months, waiting for the postman © Lisa Shambrook

At seven months we were watching her ears; one was up, the other still floppy. German Shepherds with floppy ears are the cutest thing!

The summer was so hot, reaching 40°C in parts of London, which is unbearable. Lexi’s walks were either early or late, to keep her safe during the heat. Her training was coming on so well. She enjoyed meeting her doggie friends at the museum, and loved people. The hardest thing that summer was leaving her in kennels while we went on holiday to Scotland. It wasn’t our usual kennels as they’d been booked up by the time we got Lexi. When we came home and collected her, we were wary. She was so excited to see us, which was to be expected, but she and her toys and blankets were soaked through. She stank, and we bathed her as soon as we got home.

The kennels hadn’t said there’d been any issues with her, but she was subdued and as soon as she met other dogs on her walks she was anxious and defensive. She was also scared of people for the first time. Lexi never knocked over her water bowl again though. We’ll never know what happened at the kennels, but we’d never had a dog come home from kennels as wet and dirty as she had, so next time, she’d go to kennels of our choice.

We were careful and she was soon happy with people again, but dogs still seemed to worry her. When we were alone with Lexi she was excited and happy. We had an amazing trip to a local castle, Llawhaden, where Lexi explored every inch of it, insisting on climbing up into the towers too!

Lexi 7, 7, and 15 months – Llawhaden Castle, Black Mountain River, Brechfa © Lisa Shambrook

At eight months she was still a puppy and acted as such, into everything. We came down one morning to a floor covered in milk from a stolen carton from the cupboard… but there’s no point crying over spilled milk! September, coming up to nine-months-old, Lexi went into her first season and we had to keep her at home for a month. She was agitated and frustrated, not helped by the late summer heat, and when she was allowed back out again, we had severe issues with her response to other dogs. She barked at dogs, even those who were her friends, and walking became more difficult. We got her on puppy training waiting lists, but they’d grown and it was going to be a long wait.

Lexi 8, 10, and 11 months – Spilled milk, Halloween, and ready to play © Lisa Shambrook

At Halloween we dressed Lexi as a pumpkin, and she stole a mini pumpkin as we attempted to try and take photos of her! As it got darker earlier Vince and I took Lexi on walks after Vince got home from work, as dusk fell. It was much easier with fewer people and dogs about. Lexi was still reactive and lunging, but we were concentrating on training her to walk by us, and not pull. We also trained her to sit on her place to keep her from under our feet in the kitchen.

Lexi, 11 months, with Flynn and Buzz, Dan and Lisa © Lisa Shambrook

Our son and daughter-in-law visited with their two dogs, Buzz, a tiny black pug, and Flynn, another GSD. We were concerned as to how Lexi would react to their dogs, but amazingly, she made friends quickly, but she was demanding with Flynn. She wanted to play with him and no one else and constantly barked in his face if he didn’t play with her. He rightly put her in her place a few times, but they did love playing rough together!

Winter saw a big drop in temperature and Lexi saw her first snow, and then her first birthday on Boxing Day!

Lexi 11 and 12 months – Snow and Christmas © Lisa Shambrook

For the last four months we’ve been seeing a behavioural trainer with Lexi, concentrating on distraction, attention gaining, bonding behaviour, and teaching her to go from excitable to calm quickly. She has a habit of attacking dogs on adverts on our TV… and barking at dogs walking by our house, so we’re training her to go to her place and settle when we tell her to. There are a lot of small treats and praise involved! Our trainer introduced us to a flirt pole to teach her to calm quickly. It’s a horse lunge whip with a squirrel toy (or any toy) tied to the end of it. We made our own, and we whip it around in an open space and Lexi chases the squirrel ’til she catches it. Then she has to drop it and sit and wait until we’re ready to let her play again, so she has to go from hyped to calm quickly. She loves the squirrel pole and has so much fun chasing and catching it!

It’s been a few weeks and we’re seeing positive changes in how many dogs she now attacks on television and how quickly she comes down from the window when we tell her to settle, so we’re getting there! The next part of training will involve dog walking with other dogs… and we hope that by the time she’s over her teenage months, she’ll be less reactive and better behaved!

Lexi 11, 14, and 15 months © Lisa Shambrook

All-in-all, Easter weekend has just gone and we’ve had Lexi for a year now. She’s filled that puppy-shaped gap in our hearts, and I imagine both Roxy and Kira are watching us with mirth, asking us what we think we’ve got ourselves into with Lexi! She’s exhausted and delighted us. She’s real pain in the arse at times, but when she gazes up at me with those huge brown puppy-dog eyes I melt. She cuddles close, gets excited and nibbles because she just has too much love to give. I don’t want a perfect pup… I’m very happy with our spirited, mischievous bundle of chaos!

Lexi 15 months © Lisa Shambrook

When an eighty-five pound mammal licks your tears away,
then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad

– Kristan Higgins

Twenty-one Things I Love About Caitlin…

Twenty-one Things I Love About You…
To my daughter, Caitlin, on your Twenty-first Birthday
!

Caitlin, twenty-one today…
  1. You took us into a new millennium with a strong spirit and a head of dark hair.
One…

2. When you’d had enough hugs you’d say your tummy was full, you knew your limits.

Two…

3. Purple Teddy went everywhere with you and you even made local headline news when he got lost.

Three…

4. Your sense of adventure took you off on trips that we didn’t even know about ‘til you got home!

Four…

5. You are a tiger, our Growlithe, unable to keep still and full of mischief!

Five…

6. You love changing clothes, from army camouflage, to ballerina tutus, to trying on my wedding dress, and I could just as easily find you at a ballet barre or up a tree.

Six…

7. Full of sparkle, stars, a strong sense of self, and the heart of a wild fae.

Seven…

8. Every star is different, and you shine bright like a star in the night sky.

Eight…

9. You have a quick temper and a wit that is much older than you are. There’s an early cynicism in your heart, don’t let it unbalance hope.

Nine…

10. Enthusiasm lights you up when you’re learning about things that matter to you, keep that sense of justice and belief in what matters most.

Ten…

11. You are growing into yourself, with beauty, grace, and empathy. Don’t let anyone dull your soul.

Eleven…

12. Keep that stubborn streak and your sense of fair play.

Twelve…

13. You love creative arts – writing, drawing, and anything that lets you express yourself.

Thirteen…

14. Sometimes you just want to fit in, but you have a spirit that fights the system that experiments and embraces life in all its colours, and I know you will be whoever you want to be.

Fourteen…

15. Roxy is your best friend, and you both have loyalty and love in your hearts.

Fifteen…

16. A wry and morbid sense of humour measures you, but life is hard and that wit grounds you. You’re politically aware – you need that humour!

Sixteen…

17. You are carving out your place in this world, using art, compassion, and integrity.

Seventeen…

18. Kira gives you solace in an unstable world and you fight for all that’s right. Never stop doing that.

Eighteen…

19. Never forget to be yourself. Be true.

Nineteen…

20. You know your worth, a daughter of courage and spirit, our daughter…

Twenty…

21. The world is at your feet…it’s yours…

Twenty-one…

*Note: All photographs within this post are copyright to Caitlin or Lisa and are not to be reproduced or copied in any way.

This Winter – from Loss to Joy…

I always enjoy Winter’s colours, chill, the season of giving and new beginnings,
and a time of cosy, starry nights. My favourite season is Autumn,
but is closely followed by Winter and her frosty beauty.

This Winter - from Loss to Joy... - The Last Krystallos

Autumn ended a season of love within our family when we unexpectedly lost our German Shepherd, Roxy, to aggressive cancer, so Winter came with a chill that bit harder and deeper than ever before.

But even tinged with sadness, we found joy and ended the season with a new source of love.

December brought a time of reflection and family. We had many hot chocolates at Pethau Da in town and remembered Roxy.

Roxy - Hot Chocolate - Dr Martens - December - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

Christmas is always family based and this one was no different. I buried myself in preparations and came up with a Christmas cake decorated just for us. Christmas was family and quiet, and lovely.

Christmas Tree - Decorations - Cake - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

January arrived quickly and wasn’t particularly easy for any of us, but it had its good points. It got colder and I love the frost, and I finished my trilogy of books, or at least all the first drafts of The Seren Stone Chronicles are now done!

Ice - The Seren Stone Chronicles - Frost - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

Then at the end of January, I fell in love. We weren’t looking for another dog, losing Roxy still hurt, but whilst scrolling Twitter I saw Kira… A six-year-old German Shepherd who’d still not found her forever home. She had EPI, a chronic health problem and I felt she’d be harder to home than most dogs.

Kira - Rain - Lisa - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

February, three weeks later and she’s now home, with us. The Super Snow Moon welcomed her and though she has issues she’s bonded beautifully with us and is responding well to a new training routine, boundaries, and lots of love.

Kira - Snow Moon - Kira - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

Now, March is upon us and the burgeoning shoots of spring are pushing through and Winter is over. It’s been long and hard, but we’ve found joy and reason and that’s what counts.

What did you love about this Winter?

What kept you going?

 

Unconditional Love – Remembering Roxy

A dog is the only thing on earth
that loves you more than she loves herself.
Josh Billings

Learning about Unconditional Love - Remembering Roxy 2008 - 2018 Our German Shepherd - The Last Krystallos

In 2008, on my birthday, we got Roxy. She was eight weeks old and not suitable for the home she’d first gone to, so we bundled her up in Dan’s arms and took her home with us. Vince had always wanted a dog, and it felt like I was giving him a lifelong gift. What I didn’t know was how quickly I would fall in love with her.

Roxy 8 weeks, 2 years, 9 years - thelastkrystallos

Roxy: eight weeks, two years, and nine years © Lisa Shambrook

I’m not a dog person, let’s rephrase that, I wasn’t a dog person, but two weeks later and I was. My children were eight, twelve, and fifteen and a puppy was the perfect addition to our family.

How do you summarise ten years of loving a pup?

Roxy 2, Dec 2010 - thelastkrystallos

Roxy: two years old © Lisa Shambrook

We started her with a teeny football and it graduated to her favourite toy a full size Welsh rugby ball.

Her ears grew like satellites, like Yoda even, and she never really grew into them!

Roxy 2008 8 - 14 weeks - thelastkrystallos

Roxy: 8 wks with Dan, 12 wks centre bottom, 14 wks with football © Lisa Shambrook

Green Castle Woods became a favourite walk, long and short walks amid the bluebells in spring, trickling streams in summer, autumn leaves, and mud in the winter.

Roxy 2009, 2010, 2013, 2015 left 10 months and 2 years - right 5 and 6 years - thelastkrystallos

Roxy: 10 months top left, 2 yrs bottom left, 5 and 6 right © Lisa Shambrook

We took walks on the beach, racing through the waves, and chasing seagulls. The Black Mountain made us cherish the space, and there were so many local walks to Cwm Oernant reservoirs up at Tanerdy, behind Glangwili hospital, down to the museum and back again, down to Gwili River where her favourite things were splashing in the river and collecting rocks.

Cait 10, and Roxy 2, bubbles Aug 2010 - thelastkrystallos

Roxy: 2 years old © Lisa Shambrook

Cait, who’d begun scared of dogs turned into a pup aficionado, and Roxy loved catching bubbles.

Roxy 2010 - 2012 2-4 years - thelastkrystallos

Roxy playing Scrabble, walks and hugs: ages 2 – 4 years © Lisa Shambrook

Games, she even played Scrabble – as you can see…

Belly Rubs, the most perfect thing for dogs…

Family photos were a must with our most favourite family member. She loved walking down on Gwili Railway before the trains came back. The river was her favourite place to splash and chase pebbles. And our post-apocalyptic photo wouldn’t have been complete without our warrior pup.

Roxy 2009, 2010, 2016 Family top 1, 2 and bottom 7 years - thelastkrystallos

Family photoshoots 2009, 2010 and 2016 © Lisa Shambrook

She gave us more love than we’d ever imagined possible. Cait fell completely in love with dogs. A pup offers you the most pure unconditional love you could ever find – the purest thing in the world.

Roxy 2015 - 2017 6 - 8 years - thelastkrystallos

Roxy and Cait and pure love: 6 – 8 years © Lisa Shambrook

As she got older her enthusiasm never waned. She loved her walks, playing, gathering rocks from the river, and having cuddles. She was unadulterated joy. The bottom right picture was only two months ago as autumn kicked in, this is her ‘happy out in nature’ expression.

Roxy 2017 - 2018 8 - 10 years - thelastkrystallos

Roxy home in the frost, Green Castle Woods, and hugs: 8 – 10 years © Lisa Shambrook

She carried on her ‘guard dog’ duties every day come rain or shine. No one, especially the postman, was going to catch her unawares!

Roxy 2018 9 - 10 years - thelastkrystallos

Guard Dog duty: 9 – 10 years © Lisa Shambrook

It was the beginning of November that we noticed her slowing down. Walks became shorter and stretching to get off her sofa took longer. She had several fevers but a blood test was clear. Her walks got even shorter and the vet told us she had arthritis, expected in German Shepherds, but we had no idea what was lurking. Over one weekend she went off her food, looked exhausted, and felt miserable. After a ten minute Sunday walk she struggled and her breathing got progressively worse. It was off to the vet first thing Monday.

The results were completely unexpected. Aggressive metastatic cancer had begun in her belly, spread through her kidneys and had filled her lungs. We had twenty-four hours.

We weren’t even sure she’d make it through the night, but she held on with Vince (the person she loved the most in the world) sitting by her side.

Roxy Nov 2018 10 years - thelastkrystallos

Last few days: age 10 years and 4 months © Lisa Shambrook

Tuesday 27th November 2018 was the most heartbreaking day of our lives and we lost her.

Anyone who’s been owned by a beloved dog will agree that the grief is all consuming as you’re losing a member of your family. Someone who loved you like no one else ever will, someone who trusted you beyond anything, who would have fought for you, someone who gave you loyalty, friendship, and the most unconditional love you’ll ever find.

When a dog speaks, it is not language but pure feeling given voice – anonymous - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

She is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are her life, her love, her leader.
She will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of her heart.
You owe it to her to be worthy of such devotion.
Agnes Repplier

Roxy, 9, March 2018 - thelastkrystallos

Roxy: age 9 years © Lisa Shambrook

Roxy – Our German Shepherd – 10th August 2008 – 27th November 2018

The Beast Bits of Halloween

See what I did there? The Beast Bits…
Posting a day early to celebrate the Spookiest Time of Year – Halloween.
Trigger Warning – There is (not real) Blood in this Post…

The Beast Bits of Halloween - The Last Krystallos

I love Magic and the Moon, and Pumpkins, and Blood and Gore (when it’s not real), and lacy Spider Webs, Bats and Potions, and Haunted Houses, and CatsI always love cats! And they all come together for October 31stHalloween.

So what is Halloween for you?

Bats flying free, Trick or Treat, or Hot Chocolate in a cosy coffee shop decorated with pumpkins. Do Dragons sparkle across your Autumn sky? Gargoyles and Demons slink about amid the curl of Death as flowers and leaves dry while the Fae hold court. Pumpkins, carved and soup, Potions and Poisons, beware and be careful!

Halloween - Trick-or-Treat, Demons, Pumpkins, Potions, Poisons - The Beast Bits of Halloween - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

We’ve never shied away from blood and gore… Bekah’s make-up artist years have served us well with Guts and Zombies, and Slit Throats, Bullet Holes, and Pencil Protrusions. As a family we embraced our Halloween Evil. Do you fear Clowns, Darth Maul, or Vampires, or does the Grim Reaper haunt your soul?

Halloween - Zombies, Evil Clown, Darth Maul, The Grim Reaper - The Beast Bits of Halloween - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook © Bekah Shambrook © Cait Shambrook  © Dan Shambrook 

We’ve also embraced the softer side of Halloween, I mean, who doesn’t love a Black Cat? We’ve rescued Bats, listened to Owls and kissed Toads! We love the Magic of Harry Potter, and any chance to Cosplay.

Halloween - Black Cats, Owl, Toad, Bats, Demon, Harry Potter - The Beast Bits of Halloween - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook © Bekah Shambrook

And then there’s the Creepy side of Blood, and Skeletons, and Black Magic. Can you deal with Creepy Crawlies, and their fragile Webs? Full Moon and Darkness fill the Autumn night and take us into chilly Winter. Toadstools, Candles, and Cauldrons, and have you ever stayed in a Spooky Haunted House?

Halloween - Blood, Skeletons, Magic, Moon, Trees, Haunted House, Cauldrons - The Beast Bits of Halloween - The Last Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

What makes Halloween for you?

Coping with Alzheimer’s: Sadness, Love, and Humour

I saw a lonesome forget-me-not gaze up at me the other day,
late in the year for these delicate blue flowers,
but they will always remind me of my mother.
They will forever be linked with the disease that stole her.

Coping with Alzheimer_s amid Tears of Sadness, Love, and Humour The Last Krystallos

The forget-me-not is the poster flower for Alzheimer’s, so when I noticed this little blossom peering up at me, it brought the condition back to my mind, and reminded me that I hadn’t yet read a book loaded up on my Kindle. Maybe it had been too soon when I bought it, Mum passed away at Christmas last year, but sitting in the Dr’s waiting room with Dad the other day I clicked on the book and opened it.

Coping-with-Alzheimer's-Forget-me-not- The-Last-Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

Instead of bringing tears, which it does too, it brought a smile to my face, many smiles. Finding a kindred spirit can do that. I relate strongly with the author S. R. Karfelt. Her candid humour, outright frankness, and sincerity shone through in her words. Our situations regarding Dementia are different, we’ve been through very different circumstances, but the familiarity of her anecdotes and narrative rang so true.

Alzheimer’s is the thief of time, stealing memories and lives with no compunction at all…and it is on the rise. More and more people are being diagnosed and figures show that 850,000 people lived with dementia in the UK in 2015 and it’s set to rise at a rate that will mean over 1 million in 2025 and 2 million in 2051. I’ve blogged about Prevention and Awareness before, and there are things we can do, changes to our lives, diets, and routines that can help, but this post isn’t about prevention or cure, it’s about living with the disease.

Coping-with-Alzheimer's-time-The-Last-Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

Please remember that living with Alzheimer’s affects a whole plethora of people for every one person diagnosed. Whole families and communities have to come together to care. When someone in your family has dementia, you can’t walk away, you can’t hide, you can’t bury it. The condition sneaks up and robs you of your loved one, but unlike other diseases that leave you to grieve after you lose your cherished family member, dementia leaves the shell of the person with you. I can’t describe the pain that that instils.

In her book, Nobody Told Me: Love in the Time of DementiaS. R. Karfelt has been through all of this and eloquently puts her experiences on paper. For anyone facing dementia within their family, this is a book that will show you that you’re not alone. You’ll know you are part of a growing number of people dealing with this disease and staring it right in the face with defiance – and humour you have to laugh, and you’ll cry too. Lots.

So many stories in this book tickled me, made me smile, and made me belly laugh, because I’ve been there. You have to attack Alzheimer’s with humour, wit, and love, they give you the strength to carry on.

Coping-with-Alzheimer's-Home-The-Last-Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

When Mum complained of the noisy street party going on in her back yard, outside her house, we had to humour her, because my parents lived in the middle of a field, not a sound anywhere. When she thought I was her mother, I held her close and rocked her. When she was convinced Dad was a doctor, I told her she’d better take her medication with no complaints. When she thought Dad was a stranger who had kidnapped her and was holding her hostage, I talked her through it, tried to allay her fear, and help her calm down.

Can you imagine believing you’re only fourteen, and then finding out you’re married and he’s an old man? Imagine looking in the mirror expecting to see your twenty-five-year-old-self gazing back and instead seeing a seventy-year-old with a very different face? Imagine nurses/carers visiting every day when you don’t think anything is wrong with you at all.

Coping-with-Alzheimer's-raindrops-The-Last-Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

Imagine forgetting how to walk, or how to lift your food from the plate to your mouth with a fork. How would you feel if you couldn’t remember the beginning of the movie you started watching an hour ago? How would you feel when your grandchildren walk in and smile at you, but are complete strangers because you believe you’re twenty, and there are still eight years before you give birth to their mother yet?

Think about being in hospital or a home and not having a clue how you got there, or why, or for how long, or who took you there, or where you are, or why you’re there, or how long you’ll be there, and there’s nothing wrong with you, where are you, how did you get there, there’s nothing wrong, who took you there, when can you go home, as there’s nothing wrong… Where am I?

This is life with Alzheimer’s. It hurts – not only the patient, but the family, and carers, and friends… Alzheimer’s hurts everyone it comes into contact with.

So, if you’re dealing with, living with, coping with Alzheimer’s please know that you’re not alone. Please laugh as much as you cry. I’ve told my children that if I ever get this disease they are to treat me like normal, but play to it, allow me to stay in the time that I believe I am in, humour me, give me adventures, if I don’t know where I am – make it up!

Coping-with-Alzheimer's-leaf- The-Last-Krystallos

© Lisa Shambrook

People will tell you how to cope with this condition when you’re caring for a loved one who doesn’t know who you are, but as long as you are compassionate and loving, you’re doing the right thing. Take time out. Laugh, I cannot say this enough, not at the person sometimes not even with the person, they won’t understand and you don’t want to hurt or alienate them even further, but you need to deal with the mess it makes of your life too, and once you’re out of the immediate situation talk through the absurdity Alzheimer’s proffers you and laugh at it. Irreverence can see you through it all.

Tears will fall, that’s a guarantee, but don’t ever think you’re alone.

The Alzheimer’s Society is an amazing resource who will help you through this minefield, as will those who’ve been there already. Stay strong.

Nobody-Told-Me-S-R-Karfelt-Dementia

You can buy
Nobody Told Me: Love in the Time of Dementia
by S. R. Karfelt on Amazon UK Kindle Hardbackand Paperback.
Amazon US Kindle, Hardback,
and Paperback, and from your local Amazon and other online bookstores.
Please visit her website for further information and links.

Which Animal Lives in your Heart – what Animal Are You?

Many of us identify with animals…
we relate to certain creature characteristics, to animals we connect with,
on both an aesthetic level and on a much deeper spiritual level.

Which Animal Lives in Your Heart - What Animal are You - The Last Krystallos

Lots of novels bond their protagonists with animals, from Philip Pullman’s Lyra and Pantalaimon, her dæmon, in His Dark Materials, to Harry Potter and his stag Patronus, and countless other books. My own Seren Stone Chronicles, which I’m currently writing contain animals that have connected with some of my characters, and it’s definitely fun to write.

Many cultures have beliefs that connect them to animals like Native American Spirit Guides and Animal Totems. There is huge significance to those who recognise their animal guides, and it’s not a frivolous choice of whatever creature you like, but a deeply sacred experience. There are plenty of online games and quizzes to find your Spirit Animal, but it doesn’t work like that, a Spirit Guide will come to you, not the other way round and no one can assign an animal to you.

So, I am not talking about Spirit Guides or Spirit Animals here, I’m taking a more light-hearted look at animals that we feel a commonality with.

Years ago I wrote a paragraph, at a time when I felt trapped and confined in my life, and I yearned for escape: ‘I once answered a question: If you could be an animal, which would you be and why?  No hesitation… I would be a horse, a wild horse. “I couldn’t stand being a trained horse, left in a field and ridden when the owner wished…” I wrote. “I would be wild and free, roaming valleys, mountains, forests… I would race, chase the wind and explore, as free as the air. Graceful and beautiful.” Then I put a spin on my answer, I wouldn’t be a horse, I’d be a unicorn. I would not only be wild and free, but I’d be mythical and mysterious. People would wonder if I really existed, I would live in dreams, a free spirit, magical and carefree… I would be a unicorn.’

When I came upon this piece recently, it made me think about animals we relate to, and what animal I would associate with myself? Then I expanded and was curious which animals I would link my family to. I wonder if they agree?

Although I don’t like to limit the choice to one, I’d still love to be a unicorn – I know much more about myself and I believe I am probably a Squirrel

Lisa Squirrel

© Lisa Shambrook (bottom right: Squirrel wallpaper)

I’m anxious, socially awkward, and a hoarder. I scamper about erratically, bright-eyed and bushy tailed, collecting treasure – acorn cups in particular – and I am very much at home in nature, within the forests, wandering through mossy glens beside trickling streams. I will observe you from a distance, and maybe, just maybe, if I feel confident enough, I’ll sidle up close to see if I can trust you enough with my presence! I am soft, nervous, bold, a paradox, and wild, just like a squirrel.

Vince Bear

© Lisa Shambrook (top left: Bear wallpaper)

I see my husband as a bear, a big, brown bear. He keeps me safe, and gives me confidence and my trust in him is implicit. He’s large, in the best way, has a huge heart and when I’m in his arms, nothing can touch me. When he’s grizzly and grouchy he needs love and appreciation, and then his fur fluffs up and he’s happy to explore and adventure with us. His inner strength shines like the sun. Vince is cuddly, protective, tender, warm and passionate, just like a bear.

Bekah Fox

© Lisa Shambrook (top left: Fox wallpaper, bottom right: Fox wallpaper)

Bekah is a wild one, she moves to her own beat, and follows her own path. She has a nature that embraces adventure and exploration, and a spirit that defies definition. She knows what she’s doing, constantly bettering herself, learning new things and developing. Bekah is an individual – conforming is not in her dictionary – and her style is her own. She is passion and cunning, spirit and character; she’ll twinkle like the stars and keep you enchanted and enthralled, just like a fox.

Dan Dog

© Lisa Shambrook

Dan is definitely a puppy dog. He’s cheerful and loving and sensitive to everything about him. He’ll play with gusto and disregard, and throw himself right in at the deep end. Dan will be your rock, your companion, the person you can rely on, and he will trust you just as you trust him. He is faithful and strong, playful and open. You’ll know exactly where you are with him. He’s adorable, happy, stubborn, funny, and caring, and will always be there for you, just like a pup.

Cait Wolf

© Lisa Shambrook (top left: Wolf wallpaper)

My lone wolf is Cait, a spirit that seeks something deeper and won’t rest ‘til she finds it. She’s a deep thinker, an empathic soul that desires the best in an imperfect world. She wonders in the simplicity of nature, and yearns for compassion in her fiery heart. Cait will champion your cause and fight for your rights while wrapping herself within her own aesthetic. She is quiet, sullen, bright, and quick-witted, sharp and devoted, and she will move beneath the moon, just like a wolf.

What animal do you relate to most and what do you think others’ would perceive you as?

If you could be any animal, which would you choose?    

And…I might be a unicorn, or a squirrel, but I am also a dragon, and a cat…
and much, much more! What about you?

 

What is the Love in Your Life?

Valentine’s Day always makes me think about the love in my life
So, here it is, everything that means Love to me… 

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What brings you LOVE in your life?

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Vince, Bekah, Dan, and Caitlin © Lisa Shambrook

My instant response to what brings me the most joy and love in my life is easy – my Family. My husband and children have brought me every emotion under the moon, but love overrides it all. My marriage and partnership with my husband is the most important relationship to me as my children came from this union. I’ve written about our love before and it’s blatantly obvious how much my children mean to me. Each one of them is a unique human being and I love how different each relationship is, how much fun and laughter and joy they bring to my life.
This is Love.

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Rusty, Roxy, Raven, and Misty © Lisa Shambrook

Soft fur, purrs (the cats, they can’t help it!), devotion, dependence, twinkling eyes, curling up on your lap (yes, even a sixty pound German Shepherd tries this!), adoration, kneading kitty paws, wagging tail (generally the dog!), wet noses, pricked up ears, padding paws. Rusty, Roxy, Misty and Raven.
This is Love.

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Nature, scriptures, freeagency, and crystals © Lisa Shambrook

I don’t often write about my religious views and my Faith. My faith is vast, ever evolving, and it embraces humanity with a Christ-like vision, but my Christianity intertwines with aspects of nature and Paganism and the peace of Buddhism. I think Spirituality is a vast subject and faith is very personal. My beliefs make sense to me, and no one can challenge what my heart reveals to me.
This is Love.

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Art, worldbuilding, sketches and notes, and dragons © Lisa Shambrook

I need a Creative outlet, without it I’d go quietly mad. I draw, plan, sketch, paint, sculpt, write, design, craft, photograph, and create. I create worlds with words, characters, plots, emotion, and dragons. I share my emotions in every piece I write or make.
This is Love.

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Acorn Cups, Trollbeads, Leather jacket, and Dr Martens Boots © Lisa Shambrook

Most of the things that bring me love are free, family, faith, nature, pets, imagination, but sometimes we have material items that mean something to us. If I wear something ‘til it’s worn out, then it’s been needed and loved. My leather jackets end up worn and torn, as do my beloved boots. I adore gems, I love pretty things, so my bracelet adorned with silver tokens and Murano glass beads means a great deal to me. Each trinket and bead means something, a moment, a place, people, something precious. And as I’m a squirrel, bushy-tailed and anxiously curious I have a thing for acorn cups and hazelnut shells.
This is Love.

What is the Love in your life?

Self-Confidence and the Selfie

We live in a selfie society, note: I said selfie, not selfish.
If you look around at any given moment while you’re out and about,
you are likely to see someone taking a photograph with their phone.
And often, if you’re with young people, you’ll see them whip out their phone,
hold it at an odd angle, grin and take a selfie or two – or three – or four – or lots…

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Cameras on phones are a given and most of us carry a phone with us, not only as a means of communication, but also as a record keeper, journal, diary, clock, educator, newspaper, personal stereo, entertainment centre, and, of course, a photograph album.

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All my selfies…gaining confidence © Lisa Shambrook

I grew up in a time when trying to take a photograph of yourself pretty much meant setting up a tripod and a timer on your camera then posing in front of it. I mean, did you ever try taking a pic of yourself at arm’s length with a Kodak Instamatic? The biggest revolution in cameras I saw, as a child in the early eighties, was the invention of the Polaroid and an instant picture at your fingertips. But none of these were suitable for a quick snap of yourself, even less indoors unless you wanted to be blinded by the biggest flash cubes ever!

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Selfies the old fashioned way – getting someone else to take photos of you! And how it usually turned out if you tried yourself… © Lisa Shambrook

I used to bribe my brother or get my Dad to come and take pics of me as I posed in my latest outfit, and they’d get bored fast as I said, “Take another just in case that’s blurry, or if that one doesn’t come out…” or the old, “Take a few so I can choose the best one…” or “I blinked, take it again!” Then there was the waiting and the expense. I’d send my films off to the printer in Bonusprint’s big envelope with a cheque, and sit and wait for the pictures to be returned. Can you remember that moment, opening your pack of 36 plus photos and flicking through them? Yep, and there was always the inevitable, “Well, at least there’s one or two good ones.” or maybe there weren’t and you curl your lip thinking, I’ll never look that good again and I didn’t get a decent print!

So, today we have it easy, you can snap a selfie within seconds, and if it’s rubbish or blurred you can delete it, and you can take as many as you wish until you get the one you like.  And even if your favourite isn’t quite as good as you hoped, hey, there’s always Instagram and you’ll find a filter that does you justice!

When front-facing cameras on phones became the norm, over the last decade, I watched as the selfie society grew, and I watched with fascination as my two daughters sat taking multiple pictures of themselves. I say I watched in fascination, not as a criticism, but because I struggled to do it myself!

I struggled for several reasons. One, because I came from a more restrained time, when posing for multiple selfies in public just wasn’t done without someone accusing you of vanity. Two, I lacked the self-confidence to take pictures of myself in public. And, three, I just could never make the damned angle work whenever I tried!

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My children can do it! © Bekah Shambrook, Dan Shambrook, Caitlin Shambrook

My daughters would reel off picture after picture, deleting what they didn’t like and keeping what they did, and sometimes the pictures they took were so stunning, I wished I could do the same!

I had to overcome my sensibilities to be able to take a good selfie! I have had to be able to step outside myself and conquer shyness. I’ve had to become more comfortable with myself, with expressing myself, and not feeling vain. My daughters have taught me that I can be comfortable in my own skin and I can celebrate who I am. Taking a good selfie has increased my self-confidence.

There are still those who believe vanity is a part of our selfie society, and to a degree it may be, but I also believe this next generation has become more self-confident, bolder, stronger, and accepting. And those are qualities I wish to emulate. This Millennial generation, on a whole, is a brighter future, a more compassionate band of peers, a younger generation who want to include everyone, who are accepting and generous, and who aren’t afraid. These are people who want to be heard, who will fight for their beliefs, for equality, and for human rights. They accept themselves, they accept who they are and are much more comfortable within their own skins than my generation and those before ever were!

They can snap selfies and laugh at themselves, and can use social media to inform and grow, and can, I hope, in the future create a more forgiving and a more loving society. I do not believe the selfie society is a selfish one. A large percentage of selfies include others, groups gather together and take a selfie, a record of the moment, the occasion, the people. Selfies are about people, individuals and groups.

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Selfies celebrate family and friends © Lisa Shambrook and Bekah Shambrook

I am no longer embarrassed to take a selfie, to record myself at a moment when I feel good about myself, or I am somewhere I want to remember, or I want to grab my nearest and dearest as close as I can so we can all fit into a picture together.

My ability to take a selfie has grown with my confidence, and as I become happy in myself, I am able to celebrate who I am, and, you know, as much as it’s great to grab a quick shot of the sunset, or of a beautiful flower it’s also fun to whip out my phone and catch the moment, my moment! I can be beautiful too.

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When selfies work © Lisa Shambrook

Do you like taking selfies?

How do you put yourself in the picture?     

 

 

The Practicalities and Fragilities of Death…

Death is a strange thing and people react to it in many different ways.
This post isn’t about grief it’s about the more practical aspects of death.

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My mother passed away three days before Christmas and though I’ve dealt with bereavement before, I’ve never had to deal with it in such a hands-on way.

I knew my mother was dying – it was expected, yet unexpected. There had been no time frame. She’d survived breast and secondary breast cancer for over twelve years, until pneumonia and Alzheimer’s took her. My father’s devastation was hard to bear, and when it came to dealing with death – he couldn’t.

We were there during those bitter-sweet moments that she took her last breaths, and as I hugged Dad I knew I’d be dealing with the arrangements. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to, I would have done anything to make this loss easier for my father, but making arrangements for the death of a loved one is tough.

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© Lisa Shambrook

I didn’t know where to start. Who does? Life is about living, not dying, and death – and what comes with it – is very much avoided in general day-to-day life.

The practicalities put you into an auto-pilot mode, and can sometimes dilute your grief. There are things that have to be done and I was very grateful for the sensitive help and administration from my local hospital. The ambulance crew, nurses and doctors were considerate and caring and kept us informed and looked after. We knew this was a one-way trip, and my father would be leaving without his beloved wife.

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© Lisa Shambrook

Our local Health Authority produced a booklet Bereavement Information for Relatives and Friends (The government have a What To Do After Someone Dies site) and it helped us make sense of what was to come. The following day we contacted the hospital’s Bereavement Officer, no, I didn’t know that was a job, but I am very glad it is. He was wonderful, making sure we knew exactly what needed to be done. It was Christmas, and the holiday season was about to start the next day, but he made sure the medical certificate and coroner’s report were hurried through and he made us an appointment to register her death and get her death certificate before each of the offices closed for Christmas. It was good for us to have these technicalities out of the way so early.

The Registrar was lovely, making sure we were comfortable and informed, and he was gentle and calm despite the raging torrential rain storm outside rattling the windows. Carmarthen also had access to the valuable Tell Us Once service, which informs all the government agencies of the death at once, so you have less people to inform.

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© Lisa Shambrook

We had also called a trusted local Funeral Director and met him that afternoon. So many commercials on television claim you need to spend a small fortune on a funeral, upwards of £7k, but that’s not necessarily true. You can arrange a service to fit your needs and budget, though I won’t lie, it’s still an expense most us will agree is very costly. Council fees for a burial plot are about £1,000, but you can arrange the rest of the funeral to your budget.

You can have a direct burial or cremation without a service for about £1,000 – £1,500 and you can add to that any extra you wish.  There are several sites that can give you advice which you can find with this article from ITV’s Tonight Funerals: A Costly Undertaking?

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© Lisa Shambrook

I, and two lovely friends from church, dressed my mother’s body before my father offered his last respects, and it was a privilege to do so. It’s difficult to see your parent’s empty body, and not everybody will have the chance or choice to do this – we did in accordance to burial rites within my mother’s religion, but it’s a sure testimony to our loved ones having moved on and left this mortality.

My parents wanted simplicity from coffins to flowers, and we had a memorial service at the church we belong to without cost. We made it beautiful with words, simple white flowers and red roses, and love. Our Funeral Director, Peris Rice, was informative and accommodating, and Mum’s service, and then burial in the cold January rain, just before her 74th birthday, was beautiful and poignant.

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© Lisa Shambrook

The whole process has left me with grief, relief, and a deep desire to be sure that I have talked about and thought about what I want in the event of my own demise.

We weren’t sure what Mum actually wanted, and I was floundering with putting together a service, then Dad phoned. He’d been clearing pieces of paper and notes from a box on the coffee table beside where Mum sat, and had come across a piece of paper. On it was a list entitled Hymns for my Funeral, and she had listed about fourteen hymns, numbering four of them. Beneath that list was a poem Death Is Nothing At All by Henry Scott Holland. I gave thanks, because we finally knew what hymns to choose and which poem my sister could read and they were perfect. The hymns we didn’t sing during the service became prelude and closing music, and they all spoke of Mum.

In the end I offered a eulogy inspired by photographs of my mother from her childhood right up to the present, which gave an insight into her life and what she loved, Jules read the poem which spoke exactly what I knew Mum would have said, and a dear friend spoke about Mum and our spiritual beliefs. I hope it was what she would have chosen.

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© Lisa Shambrook

I have moved away from this experience with the need to make any future plans my husband or children might have to put in place as easy as possible. We are all going to die. I don’t fear death, but I do have wishes and desires I would love to accompany my flight from this earth.

Neither of my parents had wills, and Dad now understands the importance of making one. We are now facing looking at Probate, and are discussing Lasting Power of Attorney, and Wills…and I want all these things sorted out, not only for him, but also for myself and my family in my own mind and on paper too. We need to talk about what we want – from services, coffins, wills, music, organ donation, religious rites, finances, do-not-resuscitate forms, living wills, and anything else that might be, for some, uncomfortable to discuss.

I want my views known to my family, not only about decisions made when I die but decisions that will affect my life. I want us to talk about care as I get older, what I want in the event of Alzheimer’s or cancer, or any other life changing/threatening disease. I want them to feel loved and not burdened, and I want to be sure I continue and leave this life with grace and dignity.   

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© Lisa Shambrook

My views on remembering the dead are a little different from the norm. I would very much like to keep it simple and quiet, perhaps even without a church service. I wish for flowers to be gathered from the season and tied simply with string and left wherever my ashes are strewn, and a poem, or reading, or memories are shared, by woods or a river among nature that I love so much, with my family and loved ones.  

How do you feel?

Is death a taboo subject or have you made your wishes known?

What are your thoughts on the fragility of death?